Marisa's Chapter ~ THE ANSWER ~ Bridging the Gap between Christianity and Spirituality

THE ANSWER - 

Marisa's Story (Part 1 of 2)

In the seizure induced car accident that happened in 2008 I lost most of my short-term memory and really only remembered the BAD things from my life up to that point.... I had nothing GOOD, or so I thought, in my life and I was lost.  In 2009 I had another seizure while driving that, obviously, caused an accident.  This one was not as serious as the first accident but I remember watching it happen from "above".  I remember meeting a girl who looked just like me, I remember what we talked about and I also remember that, against my will, she made me come back down to continue life.  I also remember meeting someone or something that appeared to me as a big ball of light to my left that I was able to talk to with out words.  After this accident in 2009 some of my memory came back and I began searching for answers as to how I saw this accident "from above" and in doing that I suddenly remembered seeing the prior accident that happened in 2008 "from above" as well.  Those two memories then triggered memories of popping out of my body the way I did when I would have the epileptic seizures I had began having in 1998 when I started experimenting with drugs in college.

In thinking about all these memories I realized that I LOVED it when I popped out of my body, I didn't want to be here!  I was miserable and as weird as it may sound, I almost looked forward to having another seizure so I could leave this earth. (Even if it was just for a second).  For a couple weeks after each seizure I would be in an altered half conscious state and that is what felt good for me.... Somehow one day after having a seizure I came to realize that during this time after my seizures my brain wasn't fully functioning and that is, strangely enough, what I enjoyed.  It quieted the CONSTANT chatter in my head, the negativity, the hate I had for myself, my life, etc...

Upon this realization I made a decision.  I was going to figure out HOW I could feel the way I did after my seizures and how I could get out of my body without having to have a seizure.  I knew how much these episodes ruined my life and those around me but they had just become something I got use to having about every three weeks or so for the few years prior.

As I mentioned around this time in 2009 most of my memory returned but it did not cause good things to happen in my life.  I began to remember all the horrible things I had done, how I had scared and hurt my family and those that loved me, I started to see where my life had gone over the last year, and saw where it was headed so I got VERY depressed.  Everyday at the office I spent annoyed, upset, frustrated, angry, and bitter at myself and everyone around me.  I took most of this out on my dad who was constantly there with me.  One day he had enough and basically told me to get out of his life via email.... He told me to fly a kite (not in those nice words though) and told me that if I ever got married (he knew I was having issues with my boyfriend at that point, to find someone else to walk me down the isle.  He said if I wanted a father to find him in heaven.  I took that, as he wanted me to kill myself so I left and we went almost exactly a year with out any communication.  It was SO hard since we had worked together everyday since we started our business 3 years earlier and my dad was always my hero.  I went through some major changes in my life because in addition to not being able to drive a car, the mortgage industry crashed (I was a loan officer) and I didn't have many people I could trust anymore because most of the people I had attracted into my life were only there because I had something to give them.  Luckily I had saved up a good amount of money while the industry was good so I basically went into hiding.  Jeff was gone for a 4-month job across the country so I sat in the apartment that he and I had at the time by myself everyday and just thought about how WONDERFUL it would be to NOT be here on earth anymore. 

One day while down at the Longs across the street from our complex a cashier that was always chatty with me when I went to pick up my seizure medication gave me a CD with The Secret on it and The Power of Now.  I thought it was nice of him, said thank you then got home and threw it in a drawer.  A couple weeks later, I had a random person mention both of those books to me in a conversation I was having at the grocery store so I went home, got the CD out and listened to The Power of Now since it was first on the CD.  I still have never gotten to The Secret.

Although I was not having any more seizures at this point in 2009 I was still wondering how I could feel the way I felt when I did have them.  I finally came to a conclusion that if I could learn to turn my mind off the way it was when I had seizures that I would accomplish the wonderful feeling of not being here on earth.  I had NO clue where to start.  The reason I mention this now is because listening to the power of now set me on my path to self-discovery of the "mind".  When I listened to the Power of Now that day in my apartment, something clicked for me!

The Power of Now made so much sense to me and inspired me to learn more about this so called "devious" and "evil" ego that was HIDING in my mind.  In my frame of mind at that time I loved that by learning about the "ego" and how it is separate from who we REALLY ARE, that I could take that knowledge and use it to blame everything bad that I had ever done and that ever happened to me on it!!  "Oh THAT wasn't ME.... THAT was my EGO!"  Looking back I laugh but that is really what I thought at the time!  I obviously know now that the ego is NOT evil or devious and that it has a purpose.  But, at that point in my life, at the conscious level I was living, having something other than myself to blame for all these things I was suicidal over was just what I needed to get me out of that funk.

When I overcame the suicidal tendencies and was finally getting out of the depression, I was still working VERY little and living on what I had left of my savings from 2007 - 2008. I dove into tons of books about human nature and why we do the things we do.  I had ALWAYS been interested in human nature; I studied Chinese astrology since I was a teen, not so much to tell the "future" but to learn to categorize different personality types, their mannerisms, and each sign's probability of doing certain things and getting along with other people.  I studied psychology during my short 2 year stint in college and absolutely loved learning about the subconscious mind.

I started seeing all of these things to be true that I was learning in these new books I was reading so I felt driven to learn more.  I loved all the knowledge I was attaining about the ego and the subconscious mind because I was able to recognize these things in people around me.  Although I did not know I had the abilities that I have now, I have ALWAYS enjoyed reading people and this new knowledge gave me even more ammo in addition to the psychology and the Chinese astrology.  I would sit for hours and hours reading web sites, watching you tube videos, and downloading audio books about this topic everyday.  Like I just said, I was not working much and I was still not driving due to the fact that the DMV needed to see a 1 year “seizure free” period documented by a neurologist and I couldn’t show them that.  So basically, I didn't really have much else to do.  In essence I was just existing with no life... It was sad, but I filled my time with 24/7 studying.

Once I started to believe that I was an "EXPERT" (yeah right! haha) on the topics I was studying about human behavior, the ego, the emotions, etc I would sit on the computer and send out these quotes that I would learn in the books to others hoping to inspire them to change. (Because I was perfect?)  I would say "Oh my gosh! This is perfect for my sister!  She NEEDS to read this" or "Oh my Gosh this is SOOOO perfect for my mom, she NEEDS to read this!"  "WOW!  My dad REALLY needs to read this because it will CHANGE his life!!" 

All day long everyday I would send these out to all my family members including my dad who was no longer talking to me.  I think I heard back from him once and it wasn't very pretty so I never sent another one to him.   At this time that I felt it was necessary to INSPIRE all those around me by pointing out all their HORRIBLE qualities so as to FIX them so they could be good people (like I had become???).

I had not learned yet that we only see in OTHERS what we have in OURSELVES.  I still remember that the first time I read about the concept, I quickly dismissed it.  I thought, “There is no WAY I am as annoying as all those people around me!”.  After coming across the teaching a few more times and giving a bit more though, I realized it was true!  I have to admit, it was a hard pill to swallow at first, in fact I decided to prove the theory WRONG.  I went back into my old emails that my dad had sent me accusing me of things that he swore I was thinking or doing and I realized, "OH MY GOSH! He is totally talking to himself!!!".  The same thing happened with emails from my sister!  We were not speaking at the time either.  I immediately took the immature route and started to think I was a SUCH a victim, that they were SO horrible for accusing me of all their WRONGS and then something came over me and knocked me right up side the head (I am sure it was my guides now).  Something inside me decided to look back at all my BRILLIANTLY FABULOUS emails that I had written to them and see what I had accused them of.  To my utter amazement I realized that I was literally talking to myself in a mirror every time I sent those emails out!  I was shocked to say the VERY least!  I really believe that from that very day, sitting in front of my computer and coming to that realization was the first day of the rest of my life!

From that day forward I began to acknowledge all these things that I had become and at first I went right back into my funk of suicidal thoughts and depression.  I would think "Why am I even here?" "What is my purpose for being alive since I have caused SO much pain?".  I suddenly saw that EVERYTHING was MY fault and not the others around me that I had been blaming the whole time. (Again the conscious level I was operating at believed that, I know now that this is not completely true.)

At this new low point of my life I came across a book by Jerry and Esther Hicks called “The Power of Deliberate Intent”.  I began reading it because I hoped it would help me to get out of this hopeless mental state I thought I had escaped and cured myself from but was trapped in again.  The book gave simple exercises that could change your mood from Sad to Angry(?), jealous to appreciative, etc... The book explained that being mad was much easier for us as humans to be than sad and that made so much sense to me.  I kept reading the book and trying the exercises because at that point I was willing to do anything to not be SO SAD anymore.

The book started to teach me about Law of Attraction and I began seeing things that I wanted manifesting in my life VERY quickly.  Things started getting better, I was working again, making money, and I was working on getting my drivers license back with medical restrictions (of course).  All of this happened in such a short amount of time while reading the book (and a few others about Law of Attraction  I absolutely fell in love with the authors and became a huge fan.  I went out and bought all their books and the audio versions of each.  I was constantly listening to them at work and when I was not working I was reading.  I loved how simple they made life sound and I loved that they taught that we are the makers of our own lives.. no one else... just us!  I liked that they said this because at that point "myself" is all I had.  I had no trust in anything outside of me, including God.

One day I went online to look up these authors to see where they went to school.... I was wondering how the heck they got so darn smart... how did they know all this AMAZING stuff??  I discovered that Esther Hicks was what was called a channeler and Jerry was her husband who helped write the books.  "A CHANNELER??  What the heck is a channeler??" was my exact thought.  I had no clue what one was, so I looked it up!  I found that there are certain people that can channel beings that no one else can see and that TOTALLY intrigued me.  Actually intrigue is not a big enough term to explain the draw and fascination I had toward this ability and looking back I don't know how I didn't think it was odd that I was becoming completely obsessed with channeling and channelers.  I began looking for books that were channeled and one day in the New Age section of Barnes and Noble I ran across a book called "Opening to Channel".  I immediately thought "Oh my GOSH!!!  I can LEARN TO CHANNEL!!! I am going to DO THIS!! YIPEEEE!"

Although I was beside myself with excitement I did not buy the book that day for one reason, I was embarrassed.  Because of my upbringing and things I was taught at church I came to believe that all the books in the new age section were of the devil.  It's funny looking back now at how I would go about reading books from that section.  What I would do was I would set up camp over by the Christian section, which was right next to the New Age - Astrology section.  I figured if anyone saw me I would be there and they wouldn't think anything of it.  I figured if they saw what I was reading I could say that I found it in the Astrology section knowing that astrology was accepted by most Christians and was not thought to be evil.  I felt good about this set up I had designed.  Every 10 minutes or so I would slowly and casually walk through the new age spiritual section and quickly grab a few books of interest then scurry back to my station where I had set up camp.  I laugh so hard at myself now thinking back, but know now that that it was all part of my growth and it also helps me relate to other like me going through the same thing in their lives.  So back to that day, I did not buy the book out of fear that someone would see me with it but I did go straight home to order it on amazon along with another book that was recommended by the same author called Becoming your Higher Self. I placed the order for next day delivery and anxiously awaited the knock at my door from UPS.

At that time Jeff, my boyfriend whom I lived with knew NOTHING about the things I had began to learn about and am glad because had I told him or anyone else for that matter they would have told me I was nuts (just as I would have said to myself 6 month earlier) and because of that I probably would have just dropped everything.

Luckily for me and my secret studies Jeff was working a lot and would leave at least 4 nights a week and stay at hotels leaving me home alone. I took full advantage of this time to read my books (that I had securely hidden under my bed) and I also used this time to begin to learn to channel.

At this point I didn't have much of an idea who I thought God was.  I knew that one probably existed but had NO clue what he was, why he was, and how God had anything to do with a "BAD" person like me.  I didn't have enough info to believe blindly in something that I had no proof of.  I did spend many years of my life happy in my Christian groups but I accounted that mostly to just being social with positive happy people that talked about positive happy stuff all the time.  I didn't actually believe that it was because of a MAN named Jesus who said he was God that died for us.  That was just too much for me to believe.  I would wonder, "How the heck does ONE man dying thousands of years ago wash out all the BAD stuff that people did before and after him, especially if he never even knew them!"

I didn't really think at all about God, the only time I would, I would cringe because I just knew I was doing the DEVILS work by learning to channel but I was DETERMINED to get back to that feeling of being out of my body, the way I felt after my seizures and I was bound and determined to ask that girl that looked like me WHY she made me come back after both of those accidents.

This is when I came across an a book on audio that both my dad and step dad had suggested I read years back so I downloaded it and listened to the whole thing in one day.  The book was called "Conversations with God" and it absolutely 100% changed my life from that day forward!   That book gave me a belief in God and a new found understanding of what and who He was. This channeled book told me that even though I had been really, really bad, awful, and horrible to those I loved and horrendously abusive to myself that God still loved me.  The book said that there was no such thing as good or bad, that it is all relative and is defined by man for the most part.  The book taught that we are all down here to learn lessons from our life circumstances that we planned prior to coming here and to learn from each other.  Learning these lessons from each other, the book said, sometimes meant that someone would have to "play the bad guy" and to me that explained so much! (I believe a little differently now but we can get into that a little later).  After realizing that God was real and that He loved ME I remember my whole body got covered in goose bumps and I just happy cried for like 10 minutes straight!  I remember going into the living room where I had the audio book playing and turned it to the radio.  I still remember the song that was on.  It was Madonna's True Blue from the Immaculate Collection album.  When I heard it I just started jumping up and down, spinning around, and dancing alone in our living room... I WAS SO HAPPY!  For the first time in my life I truly felt GENUINELY HAPPY!

My passion for channeling continued after this realization but my focus switched from channeling "another being" into channeling my soul.  This was for the simple reason that I believed in God now and I believed that I actually had a soul to channel. The books I read about channeling your soul referred to it as our higher self and that triggered the memory of the book I originally bought when I ordered the opening to channel book called Becoming your Higher Self.  I found the book, opened it up and threw myself into it completely.  What I mean by that is I REALLY began to practice what they taught in my everyday life.  The book taught that we are SPIRITS living a human experience and they explained that by becoming aware of this higher consciousness which is the true authentic SELF (the REAL us) that we are able to clearly see what direction we were to be heading.  I was quickly learning that by tapping into and becoming our higher-self that our lower self (ego, intellect, emotions) just became tools that our higher self is equipped with in order to live a successful human experience while down on this planet.

Finding this out was another turning point in my life because the "miss know it all" in me was now able to admit to people and myself when I did lousy things that either hurt them or hurt me with out even realizing it until after the fact. At that time I remember thinking that when I just wasn't being a good person my mind could say "oh it wasn’t my fault, it was my lower self’s fault!"  It sounds REALLY silly now but it is what I thought then and surprisingly, for some VERY STRANGE reason that I still don't understand, it brought a huge amount of humility into my personality.  Prior to this, I had NONE… not ONE sliver!  I know now that our lower and higher self are all one but the belief that they were separate at that time is what I needed to believe in order to acknowledge the not so wonderful qualities with in me and begin to change them.  Just as I teach all my students now, we can't change until we acknowledge that there is something to change.

The biggest surprise to me, my family, friends, and even co workers was that I ACTUALLY started admitting when I was wrong instead of arguing a point that I knew was wrong just to win an argument and make the other person look stupid so I could look better than them.  I began thinking before speaking and did less blurting of the first thought that came to my head in any given situation.  Knowing about integrating my higher self into my life REALLY slowed me down a great deal and everyone around me started to notice.  I took this as a sign of encouragement and got the guts up to call my dad and tell him about all the wonderful stuff I had learned about God.  The conversation was short and pretty uncomfortable but I felt good letting him know that I was aware of what I had done to him and others that I loved and that I was grateful to have God in my life.  I heard from him a couple of weeks later via email asking me to come over to his house for fathers day.  I was SOOOOOO excited!  I couldn't believe it, my dad was actually going to be talking to me again!! My life felt so complete!  Little did I know it would become even more complete that night.

Jeff happened to be out of the country the night that I got the email from my dad so I was unable to call and tell him all about it!  I had secluded myself so much in the last 2 years that I really didn't have anyone to call and tell so, for some reason, I decided that it was the perfect time to do a meditation and work on my channeling.  The session turned into a 5 hour meditation in front of the web cam from my mac laptop.  I always recorded the "channeling" sessions in hopes that I would catch something on tape or hear myself say something that I was not consciously aware of while meditating.  About 5 hours in (which seemed like 30 minutes) I felt the presence of another being and I REALLY REALLY liked it.  I was not scared or creeped out AT ALL, which is strange to me now thinking back.  You would think that I would have flipped out, but I didn't.  Feeling this being that was in the living room with me was such an amazing feeling, I had never felt something quite like it.  Every time I would try to explain what it felt like on the video camera it would go away.  I knew that I needed to remember this feeling so I immediately thought to grab a paper and pen so that I could explain it on paper.  From the time I was a little girl I LOVED writing in my diary and still greatly enjoyed journaling so that is what I grabbed and what I began writing in.  I didn't want to forget the feeling I was having and knew, just like a dream, that often things that happen in meditation fade as you come back to reality.

As I described this being in my journal I started HEARING thoughts in my head that were not mine. I thought I was going crazy at first but then laughed to myself and thought "Well, after 5 hours of meditation I am probably going crazy but this is fun so I am going to roll with it!"  I still have the journal and web cam files from that night when the being that I was FEELING began to write through me using my hand and my thought patterns to describe what it had to say to me.  This being said her name was Alana and that she was here to help me raise my vibration so that I could speak with my higher self.  She said that my higher self was at such a higher frequency that I would not be able to channel her directly and that she would be helping me get to that point through writing.  Alana said she was going to teach me about myself and would answer any questions I had for her.

With an even more excited out look outlook on life I began secretly writing with Alana every night but would ask the SAME thing every time we talked.  Who am I ? Who are you?  Why am I here?  What is my reason for life?  When will I get to talk to my higher self?

She patiently would give me the same answers every night and what's funny is I never thought to ask anything different.  Due to the fact that I now had a relationship with a beautiful being from the light I got into research mode again.  I started learning about automatic writing (which is what I was doing) and how Alana could be writing through me.  Some sites said that the beings were angels and some more scientific sites said they were not.  I figured that since I believed in God now and believed that I was a soul/spirit, why shouldn't I believe in angels now too??  Through doing my research I found that people familiar with channeling and communication with beings from the other side called Alana a spirit guide.  I asked Alana if she was the only spirit guide for everyone and she responded that every person on the planet has at least one and said she was only one of mine.  In fact she never has claimed to be a spirit guide, she always described her self as a Master Teacher. 

My life had become so wonderful since I started on my path of self-discovery.  Not only was my dad back in my life, I was back working at our office that we built together, business was good, Jeff and I were happily living back in our house in Carlsbad and I had my driver’s drivers license back.  My life was PERFECT!  I was SO happy and LOVED learning about this new Spiritual passion I had found.  The only thing in my life that was not completely perfect was my physical condition.  With all the accidents I had been in and the lack of healthy habits through most of my early 20's my back and neck were in bad shape, I don't think my lungs were very healthy and I just plain didn't have a healthy life style.  I didn't eat vegetables,  all I ate was fast food, I didn't drink ANY water but drank diet coke like it was going out of style... Looking back, it just seems so gross, but again, the consciousness I was at was cool with it.

One day my back was really killing me.  I had 4 deals going south, I was dealing with multiple homeowners on the phone, via text, and email so I decided that I HAD to get out of the office for at least 15 minutes.  My plan was to go across the street to Moonlight beach kick off my 3 inch heels, take my suit jacket off and just relax for 15 minutes before going back into the war zone that I called my office.  When I pulled out of our parking lot something told me to go right instead of left and soon I found myself parked in front of a local yoga studio that I had been to once before.  Wasn't sure why I was there, but when I heard Alana's voice in my head (which I was now hearing 24 hours a day even when I was not writing) she suggested I go in. 

I said hi to the girl that that was working told her how calming their place was and asked if I could just sit on their couch.  She smiled real big and said "Of course!".  We got to talking for a while because she was going through some stuff with her home and was on the brink of losing it.  I helped her with some tips on how to save it and then got up from the couch.  As I got up I grunted from my back pain and said "Sheesh, you would never guess that I am only 31 with all the pain I deal with".  She got a look on her face, grabbed a flyer and said; well now I get to help YOU!  She invited me to something called Yinki that night and didn't charge me for it.  I wasn't real big on yoga, I preferred the hot yoga that was more of a work out rather than a spiritual practice, but she promised I would love it.  When I got there all decked out ready for a work out I walked into the room and found all these VERY calm people spread out across the studio with blankets and pillows on top of their yoga mats.  I was confused but went the to the back of the room, grabbed some pillows and marched right up to the front of the class so I could be sure to hear everything the teacher was saying and I set my stuff up.

The yoga class began, my back was killing me but I continued on.  Then while I was in one of the poses that we were to hold for 5 minutes a lady came over and laid her hands on my lower back, the EXACT spot that my pain was.  She remained there for about 2 minutes and when she walked away THE PAIN WAS GONE!  I couldn't believe it!  After class I ran up to the teacher and asked what the heck they did to my back to make it better and she explained that the ladies walking around during the studio were doing Reiki energy healing on all of us who were taking the class.  In my head I heard Alana say, “Ask her if you can learn to do Reiki.”... So I did.  The very next week I was signed up for a private class with my Reiki master learning about the Art of Reiki.

THE ANSWER 

Marisa's Story (Part 2 of 2)

I had NO idea what Reiki was when I signed up for it, not one clue but showed up to my first day of class SUPER excited.   I had my 4 attunements to the healing energy over the two days that we met.  I honestly didn’t feel a thing so I was a little disappointed but was feeling good about learning self healing, more about the ego, tons about the aura, and a bit aobut divinity.  Some of the stuff I felt I already knew but it was great to get official training rather than just teaching myself through books and the internet.  My Reiki Master told me that I was to do a 21 day cleanse and what that meant was that I needed to meditate for an hour everyday, drink a gallon of water per day, do the self healing treatment that I had just learned to do on my self for 30 minutes each day and she told me to keep a journal about the changes I would be feeling.  At the time I doubted I would feel any changes.  I had already changed so much; I couldn’t imagine what else could happen to make my life any more complete.   I was thrilled with life for the first time EVER.

Over the next 21 days I did everything she told me to do and I really did feel changes.  I felt that I had discipline in my life and I felt a sense of renewal that I had never felt before.  I was excited to go back and take Reiki 2 and see what other amazing things I would experience.  The second degree of Reiki taught me how to do healing on other people.  I learned more about the chakras, the aura, and about how energy effects on us on a daily basis.  I was attuned that day to the second level and then I was done.  I had another 21 day cleanse with the same requirements expect this time I was supposed to also practice on others when at all possible.   I already had a few people lined up for the following week and I was excited!  I practiced on a few people from work and they all said that they felt amazing.  I was surprised to realize that when I was doing their healing that I would hear messages, much like the ones I got while automatic writing, but they were from the other person’s guides and angels.  Shockingly the messages were correct every time.  I was thrilled!!  Not only could I write with angels and guides I could now talk to other people’s guides and help them change their lives the way that my guides helped me to change mine.  I felt SO blessed!  My life was perfect.

I continued to practice Reiki on people between doing my other work in real estate and mortgage and I continued going to every single class I could find on angels, channeling, and healing.  I was starting to get a routine down when I would practice on people and got the confidence up to start asking for a donation.  People were more than happy to pay.  With the first 300 dollars I made I went and bought a Reiki table, I still remember the day, I was so proud! 

A few months later, life was still great and I had no idea that my life was about to forever change AGAIN.  On Easter, I was taking a nice bath with lavender, doing a meditation, and then my self healing treatment.  It felt so good to just relax as I will still working 12 hours a day in real estate and mortgage and since it was Easter all the banks were closed and my phone was not ringing.  I had nothing to worry about.  During my bath my mind wondered and I started thinking about Easter and what it was all about.  I had come to the belief in the Christ consciousness, in God, Angel, Guides….  But I still couldn’t get myself to believe that a man who walked this earth was God and couldn’t understand how people could pray to him if he was just like us.  I also couldn’t understand how one man dying could wipe away all the sins of every man who lived before and after him.  It was too much of a stretch for me.  While I was pondering that thought, I heard my higher self’s oh so familiar voice.  Usually I would only hear her voice while I was writing but this time it came loud a clear with out my tablet of paper and pen in hand.  I was really excited to hear her so clearly so I asked what she had to tell me.  She said “You are wondering who Christ is so I am here to tell you”.  She asked me if I truly believed that she was my higher self, that we were one, and that I, Marisa, was simply a human version of her living on the planet to learn lessons.  I said “ABSOLUTLY!”  So she continued on with a very simple statement that forever changed me.  She said, “You do not have to worship Jesus, he was a human just as you are, it is his higher self who is Christ that you may worship.  She said that Jesus was the physical version of Christ (God) and he came to teach us humans how to live lives that we would enjoy and cherish.   I was amazed at how simple it was.  She had just explained to me who Jesus was and it touched my heart.  Suddenly, so many things made sense and in an instant I realized that I finally believed in Jesus!  I truly understood who he was and why he was here.  It all made sense!  I was SO happy I jumped out of the bath and called my dad.  I told him all about it and told him that I would start coming to church with him because now I understood what the pastors were talking about, I was so happy.

The following day, Jeff had a friend in town so I secretly told him all about what happened that as usual he was very supportive and happy for me.   I offered to give him a reiki healing on my new table.   Jeff was the very first healing I ever gave and he immediately loved how it made him feel so any chance he had at getting his energy cleared he jumped at it.  This time, though, he said why don’t you give my friend a healing.  I was nervous, what if he thought I was a freak, but I did it anyway.  After I cleared the energy in the room and said my prayer asking the Christ light to shield us I felt a little different than usual.  I just figured that I was tired so I didn’t think too much of it.  Then about 10 minutes into the healing the whole room turned into sparkles and when I looked at Jeff’s friend he looked like the old TV’s when the channel was fuzzy with black and white dots everywhere.  Amazed at what I was seeing I asked him if he could see the sparkles and dots too.  He didn’t.  Although it seemed crazy that I was seeing this, I was not afraid so I just went along with it and continued to do the treatment.  When I got down to his solar plexus I heard a train whistle off in the distance and immediately thought it was the train that we lived near by in Carlsbad.  Then about a minute later to my utter amazement I saw with my eyes OPEN a HUGE train pull into our living room, hiss to a stop, and a lady with a briefcase step off.  She was wearing a 50’s business suit with one of those hats that have the veil in front of the face.  She looked very proper and professional and for some reason I still was not scared.  I had been writing to angels now for two years, and had been hearing them during healings for over 6 months, so I just assumed that one had finally come to see me but was showing herself like a regular person to get some point across.  The lady started talking in some foreign language that I didn’t understand so I tried spelling out phonetically on my tablet what was coming out of her mouth.  It looked like polish and we later found out that it was.  At the time though I thought in my head, I can’t understand you and immediately she said “Oh, sorry, I forgot you still only know English.  Then she said “Let him know that they would have never guessed that I made it here, but let him know I am in heaven.”  She looked at Jeff’s friend with a happy tear in her eye, got back on the train, it hissed and then pulled away.

It was SO WEIRD!  I relayed the message to Jeff’s friend and he said he had no clue what the “angel” was talking about so we just dropped it.  I couple days later Jeff’s parents happened to come into town to spend a late Easter with us, his friend was still there.  We had a fabulous day together, yummy food, and talked a lot.  Somehow during the day the incident with the lady angel on the train came up and Jeff’s mom said “Why don’t you call and ask your mom about that?”.   Ten minutes later we found out that his grandmother from POLAND whom he hardly knew due to the fact that his dad did not get along with her was an atheist and would cause havoc every weekend because he husband would want to take the kids to church and she wouldn’t allow it.  We also found out that she was sort of the pants in the family and worked for the railroad company as a business woman.  When I heard that, it felt like all the blood rushed out of my body, I got totally weak, and almost passed out.  For the first time in 2 years of writing with angels and guides I realized that I had accidentally communicated with a DEAD person.  I didn’t know what to think, I was nervous and the first thing that came to my mind was that SATIN was after me now that I understood who Jesus was!  So I called my dad and told him what was happening.  I found myself at the church that we would later get kicked out of that following Sunday.